Let's just live, and what happens will happen.

 There are a lot of things that you keep to yourself. Things that you don't tell anyone about, not even your friends. Cause you fear that they won't get it and they will make fun of your demons or that they will judge you etc. Some nights when you feel so down. Down to the point where you wish you were dead or you could disappear and no one could see you or talk to you ever. You have only two to three people in your life that you like or want to talk to. And when one them or all of them are busy, or don't wanna talk to you, then you feel miserable. Although you're a big advocate of "solitude" or "I'm not lonely I'm just alone and I like it" blah blah. But deep down you know that you emotionally rely on these two to three people in your life so much to the point that when even one of them ignores you due to whatever reason. You feel like you're the saddest soul on this earth and it's not fair that this is happening to you.

You know that all of these thoughts that run around in your mind and bug you are not healthy. But you can't help it. After all we are homo sapiens. And homo sapiens are social animals, we survive and thrive because of other people, our loved ones in our lives. If they're gone. All of the people in this world suddenly disappear. We won't be able to live longer after that. Cause living is mostly not for oneself but for others. We want to live because we want to spend our life with someone special. It could be anyone, our parents or siblings or significant other or friends. But we only want to live life because we want to spend our time with these loved ones. Otherwise, we will happily die. Cause what's the point in living a life where we don't have anyone to share with our joys or our sorrows.

Like sometimes when I feel down I like to imagine that my father is alive and he's so loving, and that he makes me feel like I'm the best daughter in the world. Who supports me in any decision that I make in my life. Who loves me unconditionally and has no complaints with me. Or my mother is alive and so much healthy, so much happy. She's so happier and not only with her life but also with me.

I was watching the a female public speaker on YouTube yesterday. And her videos were so touching and beautiful that I can't even put them into words how her words encourage thousands of people every day in the world. She talked about how she couldn't become a mother because of her disability and she was so heart broken because of it, but she didn't give up. She adopted a beautiful child and how she is in love with her son now. When someone asked her, " do you ever cry because you are always so motivated and like an iron lady?". She replied "yes, I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I'm sad". She told that sometimes her son and she cries together. She mentioned that crying is not a sign of weakness but it's a sign of human emotions. And it's alright to feel vulnerable and cry sometimes.